A Valentine’s Playlist for the Brokenhearted

Growing up in Michigan, February has always been my least favorite month. By February, it’s usually been at least two months since I’ve seen the sun, and I always have to wear 12 layers in order to face the tundra of a “Michigan Winter.” Add on to this disgusting weather some candy hearts, chocolate kisses, red and pink cupids and a variety of other love treats, and you have enough to make me want to vomit.

This Valentine’s Day, like all the others, I will once again be single. So, in order to fight the V-Day blues, I’ve compiled a playlist for those who, like me, want Hallmark to give up its sales pitches, want to shoot all love-birds in the face with a bazooka, and most of all, want to curl up on the couch with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, watch Love, Actually, and pretend that this holiday doesn’t exist. If you’re one of those people, then this playlist is for you!

- Cole Merkel

Blondie: “Call Me”
(available on Greatest Hits, rec. 1980)
Listening to this song should make us all feel better about Valentine’s Day – even a cracked-out superstar like Debbie Harry has to ask people to call her. So we’re not alone in our pursuits; let’s just hope that this year, somebody actually does call us.

The Fiery Furnaces: “Single Again”
(available on The Fiery Furnaces EP, rec. 2004)
The Fiery Furnaces’ unique brand of electro-synth sums of the beauty of being single in this song. When you’re single, you’ve got cash in your pockets, you don’t have to worry about making another person happy; it’s total bliss. Take a listen – maybe it will make you feel better about not being tied down this year.

Kanye West feat. Jay-Z: “Diamonds from Sierra Leone (Remix)”
(from Late Registration, 2004)
The diamond: a popular Valentine’s Day gift, used to express one’s love for another, usually in a ring of precious metal or on a pendant. Women and men alike get these and feel eternal gratitude for receiving such an expensive gift. But this song highlights an irony, connecting the horrors in African diamond mines which so many Americans overlook with the US drug-wars which so many Americans wish we could stop. Controversial? Very much so! But since when hasn’t Kanye West been controversial? If this Valentine’s Day you’re interested in hearing a new opinion concerning America’s favorite stone, give Mr. West a spin and hear what he has to say.

Peaches: “Fuck the Pain Away”
(from The Teaches of Peaches, 2000)
Well, shit, we’ve tried everything else, so why don’t we take some advice from the love-master DJ herself? I mean seriously, what could go wrong with fucking the pain away? It might cause you some serious pain in the long run, but at that moment it’s probably going to be the best sex of your life! Try this option out if you’re really desperate…

Jefferson Airplane: “Somebody to Love”
(from Surrealistic Pillow, 1967)
This Valentines Day, don’t we all want somebody to love? Yes we do, but are we going to get somebody to love? NO! Therefore, I have two words for you: FUCK IT!

Oh My God: “February 14th”
(from Interrogations and Confessions, 2003)
What’s worse than being desperately in love with someone you can’t have? As far as love goes, nothing. But this track is about more than just being alone; it’s a thank-you letter to the person who inspired its composition. Even though this singer can’t be with the person he loves, he recognizes all of the good that she did for him and he wants to let her know that he appreciates it. This song is refreshing as it focuses on both the good and the bad of breaking up.

Berlin: “Take My Breath Away”
(from Count Three and Pray, 1986)
I only add this song for the ironic undertone. We’ve all seen Top Gun: the ridiculous scene with Tom Cruise chasing Kelly McGillis on a motorcycle through the streets of Southern California. When they stop, Tom yells at her, Kelly cries, and tells Tom that he’s the best pilot she’s ever seen. After that, hot 1980s sex ensues, with this song screeching in the background the entire time. It’s disgusting! We normal people know that this scene would never happen in real life, so if nothing else, I suppose we can at least listen to this and laugh our asses off in reminiscence.

Bon Jovi: “You Give Love a Bad Name”
(from Slippery When Wet, 1986)
What kind of a bitch would dare break Jon Bon Jovi’s heart? How could she have resisted the poodle on the top of his head and those sexy leather pants? Make sure to put on your leg warmers and a t-shirt tie when you wake up on Valentine’s morning to this song. Put on this cassette while hair-spraying your crispy perm. It’s guaranteed to make your day better. Maybe your neon green stirrup pants will even help to attract that perfect mate you’ve been searching for.

Ben Folds Five: “Song for the Dumped”
(from Whatever and Ever Amen, 1997)
A classic to get rid of the Valentine’s Day blues and put a smile on your face. Ben Folds’ open hate letter to an ex-girlfriend sums up everything that we’ve always wanted to say to our exes but couldn’t get out. In a relationship we give so much to the other person (i.e. cash, and a certain black t-shirt), and when it’s all over, what do we get out of it? Hurt, pain, a broken bank account… Why do we even try if we know that we’re just going to get hurt in the end anyway?

Tegan and Sara: “Monday Monday Monday”
(from If It Was You, 2002)
Whatever relationship problems I’m having, I know that Tegan and Sara are two girls I can always count on to get me through. Their songs sum the confusion of breaking up and not being able to see the person anymore. We all know that it’s nearly impossible to completely cut an ex out of your life; that person will always be a part of who you are. So next time you’re confused about a person who keeps coming back, try giving these twins a spin. They might help you more than you’d think.

Elvis Presley: “Heartbreak Hotel”
(available on Elvis Presley (2005 Bonus Tracks), rec. 1956)
Hey, even the King experienced heartbreak. And he wasn’t the only one; the Heartbreak Hotel is, after all, always crowded. Who knows, maybe you’ll even find some friends there!

U2: “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”
(from The Joshua Tree, 1987)
I’ve had 18 years to find out the meaning of life, and yet I’m still here, as confused as I was the moment I was born. This song reminds us that life is tough; we can go to great lengths to be with someone we think is right for us, but it still might not be perfect. Just remember this Valentine’s Day that the way your life is happening is how it’s supposed to happen, and maybe if we stop searching so hard, something beautiful will present itself.

Nico: “These Days”
(from Chelsea Girl, 1967)
This song is so simple, yet it says so much. It’s a reflection on life and love. Just listen to it. Nico is as confused as the rest of us, but it doesn’t seem like she cares; she’s living in the moment, not searching for anything, and not worrying about what happened in her past. Life is a beautiful thing – don’t let it pass you by as you’re searching for something better. And if nothing else, at least Nico’s voice can be soothing to your thoughts.

The Beatles: “Let it Be”
(from Let It Be, 1970)
This classic can be interpreted in so many different ways. But this Valentine’s Day, remember that wherever you might be in your life, whether you’ve been searching for love for a long time or whether you have just fallen out with your boyfriend or girlfriend, everything in your life is happening exactly as it’s supposed to. “There will be an answer, let it be…”

I hope that this playlist helps you out. Just remember, you’re not alone. Valentine’s Day only lasts 24 hours, and when it’s over, life will be great again. But if you need some extra help getting through the day, I recommend Ben & Jerry’s Half-Baked.